thoughts for today

I'd retreat into my silent shell when lunchtime conversation begins to revolve around food, eating places, TV shows, and movies. It's an amazing bunch I lunch with, no doubt about that. But I'm just not into restaurants or the best food in town. I don't watch TV nor the currently screening movies unless they are very highly acclaimed. I'm not into niche areas like anime either. Makes me a really boring person doesn't it. That may very well be true.

I miss conversations I had in college, those typical 3 am ones where you speak about matters that truly matter. And I miss people with whom you can share anything with. In college, everyone seems like they are up to something. And it's invigorating to hear people speak about their passions, be it abstract math or music, and witness that sparkle in their eyes, because that's when they are at their best. And then there are people who empathize, or people who can't but bother to listen in anyway, and not get turned off. It's wonderful speaking to them.

My problem's with the (local?) workplace conversation culture. Colleagues aren't comfortable with sharing too deeply about themselves because it reveals too much of their insecurities, and that isn't kosher career-wise. The local culture can play a part too. Maybe people here in Asia just aren't used to sharing too much about themselves outside their inner zone of comfort, i.e. their families, spouses, confidants, etc. People do want to talk about deep matters, just not in the setting of an office. For the religious, it is in their religious institutions where they seek these connections and discuss issues larger than everyday survival and other picayune, and not on secular grounds (which is quite sad, really). The more cynical view is that it's really about hiding superficiality behind safe fraternizing topics. Well, if there's anything to be thankful for, it's the great bunch I got to know. Food and movies still beat petty office politics, housing, insurances, or the Premier League anytime.

Anyway, on to another topic that occurred to me while I was waiting for the bus home today. Less than six months ago, I was just like the guys in greens. I might be playing some senseless games at my computer terminal. Or scanning visitors' IDs. Or running around setting up meetings. Tasks fit only for people in similar circumstances. Situationally, I cannot be more different now. I am not subjected to the same laws as they are. I don't make work related decisions based on the strategy of accomplishing the least in the shortest possible time. I have more bargaining power, work-wise. I don't need to play my cards with as much caution like I did (now this remains to be seen). Yet I'm able to relapse into that frame of mind any moment, right now. I can understand when they do things that don't make sense to an outsider who hasn't gone through similar experiences. I can transform into them when I don the same attire.

This thought must have been partly inspired by a friend's comment about my reasoning behind my day-off plans during this holiday season. Hmm...