thoughts on an essay from "singaporeans exposed"

This is an excerpt From the essay "Aunties and Uncles and Me" by Neil Humphreys in the book "Singaporeans Exposed":

"And that is the trouble with taking such pride in one's belief system. It can become too focused; too tunnel visioned and its arrogance will eventually prevent it from considering alternatives. Take the role of the family for instance. Nowhere in the world have I come across a society that puts such store in building a watertight family unit like Singapore does. Nothing fills a Singaporean parent with greater pride than watching his or her child graduate, before finding a partner and finally providing grandchildren. Indeed this could be said for parents worldwide. But in Singapore I can't help feeling that the traditional belief in the family unit borders on the obsessive. And any potential threat to it is not tolerated."

This excerpt from the essay collection reminds me of a familiar question asked at extended family gatherings here, during the Lunar New Year, for example. Well-meaning "aunties" would typically ask the unmarried ones about their relationship status, the married ones but childless ones if they are planning for kids, and mothers and fathers about their child's education. These topics are typical, and potentially awkward amongst relatives who meet only once a year.

Are people from my generation, the twenty somethings, just as obsessed? I suspect not, but I'm sure the infrequent but obligatory family gatherings do put some pressure on us. Our parents are eager to compare us with their friends' kids, like they did when we were schooling, except that it's not about exams and grades but jobs, relationship status and the marriage dates. Naturally, this rubs off us, and we in turn ask our friends and colleagues the same questions at meals, meet-ups and reunions. Like author had wrote, the same can be said for twenty-somethings worldwide. But back here, I can't help feeling that we're all pressured into living out the same scripts.

The plan is familiar and I've heard it articulated implicitly or explicitly over the years --- find a companion before graduating from the varsities, work, get married at 25-35, apply for public housing (aka HDB flats in local lingo), and move out from the parents' home. To many of us, this is the vision of the ideal adult life we have been induced to believe in since when we were young. Today, one-by-one, we see our friends and former classmates settle into this state of being. We cheer and send them our congratulations at their weddings and when they give birth to their newborns. To many of us, we don't see alternatives. The social pressure can be a source of insecurity for those of us who don't necessarily subscribe to this world-view or fall away from the time-norm. This group bear the unfortunate stigma of being a form of social "underclass", even when they are in no ways financially underprivileged.

I didn't feel it as much as when I was in the States. Things were different then, because I was amongst fellow college students who had very different life priorities. Amongst friends there, I had never felt that there was any well-articulated norm we should live out. I liked the fact that even when we don't necessarily agree in our values, we just got along out of respect for each other's opinions. Perhaps the more diverse ethnic mix prevented the evolution of a dominant value system.

Are those who don't trod down the prescribed path quite disadvantaged? I think not. Many of those I know have quite decent jobs and salaries. If there's anything we could wish for, it would be for our families and friends to refrain from subtly imposing their visions of the blissful life on us. We should lead our lives at our own paces.